Lately there has been a lot of discussion between Chris and I about the fact that 3 kids are really expensive. We knew that having kids is expensive- diapers, formula, food, preschool, etc. But we didn't actually realize how expensive until we reached this pivotal "I want to be in ______sport or _____activity" phase. In addition to the weekly requests from school for money or supplies, we are finally realizing why people have only one child. Not that we regret the decision to have more than one, it's just that you don't realize how expensive and busy everything will be until it's too late :)
In addition to the money side of having three kids, there is what I shall call the "emotional" cost. There are days when I feel like I am able to balance things fairly well. I have spent a little time with each kid (sometimes literally 5 minutes, but hey when you get home an hour before bedtime, there's not always much left) and I can go to bed feeling good about the balance of working full time, going to school full time and raising 3 kids. And then there are the days when I don't balance things well and I don't get to spend enough (or any) time with one or two of the three. And I feel bad, guilty, neglectful. But I vow to do better the next day. I always hope that they (the kids) understand. But, then I get a call like I got today from Alex's teacher and I'm reminded that they are just kids and they don't always understand. Alex has been acting out a lot at home lately- many tantrums, stealing things, lying, fighting, etc. I sent his teacher an email to see how school has been going. Of course (as always) school is fine, no problems. So, she said she would try to talk to him. She called me after school and said that Alex had shared with her that he feels like his sisters get all the attention and he doesn't get any. He is feeling left out and wants more attention from us. And in that moment, there was no balance. Just guilt. Guilt for working, guilt for going to school, guilt for having more than one child, guilt for cleaning the house instead of playing. The plain fact is that the truth hurts. He probably does get less attention. He's older, more self-sufficient, less moody and plays more independently than the girls. And so, I have decided that the cost of three is simply guilt. That's it. And sometimes, you have to pay more of it than others.
Words from the Editor
- Cheryl
- Minnesota, United States
- Thanks for visiting my blog. It's sort of a running history of the trials and tribulations of raising a busy family. I work full time as a nurse and my husband is at home keeping the rest of our lives in some sort of order. Life is busy, fun and challenging every single day. I hope you enjoy our story!
2 comments:
...and attempting to make time for yourself, your significant other, as well as extended family and friends! I think it is a universal struggle, no matter your specific situation.
I'm sorry Alex was feeling sad.
Hey Cheryl -
You are right about the guilt!
Plus, when they grow up, they remember things very differently from the way you do - sometimes to the good and sometimes to the bad. You are a wonderful mother, and I think there are just times when kids like to wallow in pity. If/when Alex actually tells you that his problem is the attention, remind him about his hockey games and practices. They usually don't realize what their 'pluses' are.
Keep up the good work, quit kicking yourself and remember to tell yourself: "I did the best I could with what I had at the time" - and remember that no one is perfect.
The real payoff is when they are adults and look back at their childhood and look you in the eye and say "You are a great Mom", and "We had a good childhood".
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